Researchers always are looking into something because they’re into discovery.
But they usually are discoverers of minutia, differing from the swashbuckling explorers of yore like Columbus, Magellan, Marco Polo, Juan Ponce de Leon, Henry Hudson, John Cabot and Joe Priestley (who discovered laughing gas).
Mundane researchers have found that one of five people is a chronic procrastinator. They call them procs, which rhymes with crocs. That’s rather ironic considering that crocs definitely are not procs when they have a chance to snack on humans.
That aside, our dutiful researchers – and they know who they are – have found that procs consistently procrastinate in multiple areas of life – work, personal, financial and social.
As you can imagine, this is not a good thing. This trait can wreak all sorts of havoc, not to mention undermining goals and producing perpetual shame.
Procrastinators run away from decisions as if they were highly contagious. And they rarely finish what they start. They use nothing but incomplete sentences in their email and text messages.
They’re insanely late for everything. When they’re late for their own funerals, they become ghosts. But that’s another story.
Indeed, chronic procrastinators are a mess. They routinely shed responsibility like a cocker spaniel sheds water after a dip. Which doesn’t light up the eyes of their family, friends and co-workers with amusement.
Still, I envy procrastinators. Trust me, I do. Because I’ve turned immediacy into an art form. In fact, when it comes to punctuality, I’m like Mozart with melodies and Rembrandt with canvas. I’m always early. If I’m only 10 minutes early I’m late in my mind.
Nothing sits forever on a shelf with me. Things in my life don’t even get to sit on the shelf.
Research has shown that procrastinators tend to feel extremely stressed, but anti-procrastinators like myself sometimes feel as if we’re going to explode like an M-80.
That’s because we have this incredible compulsion to do everything NOW!
There’s nothing laid-back about anal anti-procrastinators. You’ll never find any of us wearing a mask of detachment. We’re so attached to the philosophy of getting things handled yesterday that we never rest.
I, for one, must sort socks in my sleep. Because unsorted socks are piled on my bed when I fall asleep and they’re sorted when I awake. Of course, sometimes I get my blue socks mixed up with my black ones. Evidently, it’s tough to see in the dark while you’re sleeping.
One good thing about being an anti-procrastinator is you never have to pay late fees. I pay my bills the instant they arrive. I don’t have an in box or an out box on my desk. I don’t need either. Things simply never stick to my desk, even when I’ve just eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I don’t think anti-procrastinators have greater energy levels than procrastinators. From what I’ve read, procrastinators are not necessarily lazy. Rather, they’re nuts. More politely, they’re paralyzed by a fear of failure.
Therefore, we anti-procrastinators must be absolutely fearless and programmed for success. Which sounds better than simply admitting we’re hopeless and pointless workaholics.
Still, at least we don’t have to waste time prioritizing tasks. We buzz-saw through our daily “to do” list so zealously that everything is a priority. We jet through things so fast that we leave vapor trails.
Granted, when we loosen our swiftest hounds to pursue everything, sometimes things get soaked in the maelstrom. I imagine things are bound to get warped when you live at warp speed.