One of the daily rituals that most civilized folks engage in is brushing your teeth.
Which is a good thing because teeth are a good thing to have when you’re taking a selfie, guesting on The Mike Zielinski Show, eating a piece of steak tougher than tree bark or chomping on a chicken leg with the texture of a rubber ducky.
Another compelling reason to regularly brush your teeth is to avoid having breath bad enough to stop a Billy goat in its tracks.
Finally, good dental hygiene can prevent your smile from resembling a Jack o’ Lantern — a look that only works during Halloween season.
Of course, here’s a helpful hint about brushing your teeth that I learned a decade ago and which still sticks to my gums like saltwater taffy.
When you rinse, drink your water from a cup or from the cup of your palm. Do NOT suck the water straight from the faucet if thunderclaps are rocking the nearby heavens.
Otherwise, you risk turning pulpy with fear.
Unfortunately, a woman in Zadar, Croatia didn’t get this important memo. Apparently, news traveled slowly to that part of the globe in 2009.
So she unwittingly put her mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when in a stroke of incredibly poor timing, lightning struck her building.
In an aside to my faithful readers, you may want to brace yourself in case you get woozy while reading the remainder of this column.
Because the lightning zipped through the water pipes, flashed through her faucet, nosedived into her mouth, shot through her body and exited out her behind.
At least it did so fast as lightning.
Incredibly, she survived — although she did suffer serious burns to her mouth and her anus. Doctors credited the rubber bathroom shoes she was wearing with saving her life.
Her smile, by the way, remained intact. But apparently her speaking voice was permanently raised an octave or two.
Ever since, she limits her lightning catching to a bottle.