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Cain had Abel, David had Goliath, Ali had Frazier and we have the Russians

Cain had Abel, David had Goliath, Ali had Frazier and we have the Russians

Remember how naïve we all were when the Soviet Union collapsed and we harbored hopes we could become friends with the Russians?

Many among us even began slurping Borscht and vodka in a show of solidarity.

Well, that symbolic gesture turned out to be as relevant as a covered wagon.

Did we really think that the Cold War had melted?

Come on now. Russians may no longer be Soviets but they sure aren’t Quakers either.

These folks grew up hating Americans and they’re still hissed off at us because we beat them to the moon even though they were the leaders in the clubhouse after Sputnik was the first in space and even orbited past the Reading Airport.

Where is Bond, James Bond, when we need him? Put aside that blonde, Bond, and come rescue us.

The Russians are at cyberwar with us because they want to screw with our democracy.

Granted, we do a pretty good job of doing that ourselves but the Russians keep lending a not-so-friendly hand.

Joe McCarthy must be seeing red and rolling over in his grave.

We need some historical perspective here.

Vladimir Putin grew up in the KGB, not with the Boy Scouts. His summer camp was the Gulag where they dreamed of roasting Americans while roasting marshmallows.

The elders among us grew up with Boris Badenov, Natasha Fatale and Fearless Leader looking into our living rooms through our television screens.

They obviously were Russian spies and there likely are a number of deep-cover Russians spies inside the United States today.

The Russians will stop at nothing to infiltrate us. They even took a Canadian professional wrestler and turned him into WWWF world heavyweight champ Ivan Koloff, charmingly known as The Russian Bear. His signature finishing move was, of course, the bear hug. 

Cocktails like White Russians and Black Russians were deviously designed to weaken American livers and make us defenseless drunks.

Many thought that the 1966 film The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming was a comedy. It wasn’t.

And who could ever forget that Drago scrambled Rocky Balboa’s brains in Rocky IV?

Not to get paranoid or anything, but if any of your friends or neighbors seem to have an affinity for caviar, stroganoff and salted herring, I’d wouldn’t spill any state secrets to them at the next cocktail party.

Or let them anywhere near my desktop, laptop, iPad or iPhone.